What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
