if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
