i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize