Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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