just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I touched a dick in church today
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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