How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
