there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
