every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
