i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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