Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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