zippers are such a cool invention
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
