I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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