How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
