Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
