The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
All I want is dick and wine.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
