I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
