I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
