Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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