Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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