You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
