My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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