How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
time to smoke my breakfast
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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