I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Couch. On fire.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
