god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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