It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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