.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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