so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
