I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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