that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
