I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
