Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
