uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
