Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
