I think scott just propositioned me for sex
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
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thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
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She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.