Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password