I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"