did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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