you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
