I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
