On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
