just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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