Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
