you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
