whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
