dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
