Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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