this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
