i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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