Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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