Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
