she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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