I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
