Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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