So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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