i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
