That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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