After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
