Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize