how can u be prego again
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
