I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
