He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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