I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
