i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
