i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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