i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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