Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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