I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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