Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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