Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
