I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
