I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
